Why my (hypothetical) daughter won't be reading Twilight

Having now read all the Twilight novels, and seen 3/5 of the movie series, I'm now feeling some malaise about the messages Stephanie Meyer has put across.

Now, I put my hands up and admit; the books sucked me in for 10 days straight; a friend of mine who lent me her copies was quite amused, as I had successfully avoided the craze for a good two years, and archly replied to the inevitable 'Team Edward or Jacob?' question, "No idea, I refuse to read them' (I'm Team Jacob, just in case you were wondering).

Some things which frustrate me about the books and films:

1) Apparently it is acceptable for girls to string along two men at once under the excuse, 'I love both of you'. Christ, if I'd just been abandoned in favour of flouncing off to Italy, I would have just kicked the whiny cow to the kerb. Oh Jacob, you were fine to hang out with/lead on/save me while the Cullan clan were off gallivanting, but now Edward's airy-fairy sister has turned up, you're out in the cold again.

2) Edward's attitude towards Bella is downright sinister. Nothing says controlling, obsessive boyfriend like one who leaves you hanging for months on end, waits till you've met someone new, and then stalks you using halluca-vision every time you did something vaguely risky. Vampiric habits aside, wouldn't a guy like this just send you running for the hills? And don't get me started on the mood-swings or the chastising.

3) In the films, the words are breathed or mumbled, rather than actually spoken, which means I have actually resorted to subtitles. Enunciate, people. It's not EMO, I know, but it's English. I resent having to read the dialogue as well as vaguely listening.

4) How normal is it for a girl to want to willingly give up her life at the grand old age of 17, to spend the rest of eternity with a controlling guy, and drinking human bean juice? Especially when said guy keeps telling her, NO? Think about it Bella. No university, no frat parties, no career, no more beach holidays in the sun?

5) Anyone else more than a little creeped out by the notion of 'imprinting'? Especially when said subject of affection is a newborn (vampire) baby? This bit literally made my blood run cold. Personally, the werewolf in question could have taken up with a nice, normal girl, who wasn't half-vampire/stuck permanently at 17 -fundamentally illegal across the pond should he try to hook up with her. Perhaps a sultry, dark-haired mature exchange student from England....oh stop it.

PS - If you fancy laughing your head off pick up a copy of 'New Moan': The Twishite Saga by Stephfordy Mayo - the perfect Twilight parody. And it's British!